Character Diaries
by alien-duck
Summary: Ok, it's back again, what characters may have been thinking, from the book and film
1. Orcs

Chapter One - ...an Orc  
  
We been running all day. Bo-Bo tired, but now we must hunt men, and take halflings back to The Master. Will take us all many days. We been running a long time. Bo-Bo miss home. Bo-Bo wants to smell rotten egg smell again. Bo- Bo likes rotten eggs does Bo-Bo. We stopping. We can smell men and halflings in the woods. We can kill men, but must not hurt halflings. I get to carry halflings. Woo. We attacking now. Owwwwwww. Arrows sharp.  
  
erk  
  
Dead now 


	2. Arwen

Arwen  
  
Well there I was, sitting in my room in Rivendell, minding my own business; brushing my long, shiny, fine black hair, when dad walks in. "Arwen", he says, "I've got a job for you. Glorfindel can't go meet the Ringbearer's and his companions, his horse has thrown a shoe, and he hurt his arm when trying to contain him." Elrond had pulled a face, then, "So my delightful daughter, the job of meeting the hobbits and Estel is left to you. I suggest you leave now." And that was it. I had to go outside, ride my horse (who is actually rather beautiful) in a stiff breeze, which did absolutely nothing for my hair, ride through a cold mountain stream, and go greet a bunch of midgets. And the lovely Estel, which is the only reason I didn't refuse actually. So there I was, riding along, when I see a pony. It was them, at last! I talked to the Ringbearer, his name was Frodo, or something. I'll learn it later. He had a nasty wound in his arm, looked like a Ringwraith's sword. Idiot. So we started back to Rivendell, when Estel sensed some Ringwraith's. So he puts the hobbit onto the saddle in front of me, and I have to take in back before they catch us. My wonderful horse goes full pelt, rushing through the trees, across a field, the Wraiths getting closer all the time. I pull ahead, and make it to the other side of the stream, which looked a lot deeper. So I'm sitting there, waiting for them to catch up. They finally reach the other bank, and I wave my sword around and call insults across to them, that was fun, and their horses walk down into the stream. Suddenly, the water level rose, and a massive wave swept down from the mountains, the foam looking like a herd of white horses. Of course, standing as close to the bank as I was, I was splatted with muddy water. Disgusting! So I must now go and wash, before I meet my wonderful Estel after his meeting discussing the hobbits and what's to be done. 


	3. Galadriel

Galadriel  
  
Humans, always late. And how exactly did that little Dwarf come to be here, in my beautiful Lothlorien? If it wasn't for that Legolas, he wouldn't have got past the borders! Ahh Legolas. Why, I haven't seen little Lego in years. How he's grown! Anyway, after they told me about Gandalf and his battle with that abomination, the Balrog, I sent them to sleep. The poor Hobbits were asleep on their furry little feet. I decided to go down to my mirror, and see what was going on in the world outside, when Frodo, the Ringbearer, follows me down the stairs. That little creep! How dare he follow me where he was not invited! But I decided I could have some fun after all.....  
  
I let him look in my mirror, and the look on his face, it was hilarious! He was getting closer, and closer, and closer to the water. I quietly told him not to touch it, hoping he would, but he heard me, and pulled back. Annoying or what? But still, he offered me the One Ring. Well, you should have seen my face light up at the prospect. My imagination got the better of me, and I started ranting. I could see how wonderful my world would be, everybody at my command, no fighting, everyone loving ME! Then my ring, my beautiful Nenya, snapped me out of it. Oh his face! Frodo looked terrified, it was such a sight! I declined his offer, and sent him back to bed. And now I'm here. I'm going to sort my hair out, Nenya has made it all static, and then I'm going to sit in my room and sulk, because it would have been such a wonderful world... 


	4. Gollum

Gollum  
  
Yes-s-s-s-s-s-s my precious, we are together again, always together. Nothing can take you from me my precious, nothing in all of Middle Earth. Do you feel that precious? It's getting warm. The air is warm my precious. But that does not matter. We got that nasty hobbit, didn't we precious, we bit his finger off we did, and we is together forever now.  
  
//Gollum hits the lava//  
  
//Gollum sinks into the lava while the ring melts// 


	5. Smaug

Smaug  
  
This society is out of control! All I did was try to retrieve some of my stolen property, and I'm shot at! How exactly is that fair? I mean, some little thing crept into MY home, poked around MY treasure, and stole MY golden cup! Ok, MAYBE I shouldn't have lost my temper, MAYBE I shouldn't have eaten those ponies, but then again, they were trespassing on MY Mountain! How can I be blamed? So, after having a snack, I flew around a couple of times. I saw where their camp must have been, I never leave rubbish around like that, I respect the environment I'll have you know! So I decided to have some fun. That wall needed stripping anyway, the paintwork was just too old.  
  
Feeling better, I went back home, back to where I can wallow in my self pity that a part of my fabulous collection was stolen from under me. Oh how I cried! Then soon after that, as I was dozing, I smelt something come down the hole in the wall. It smelt, strange. Not something I had ever encountered before. So I had a little chat with him. Rather nice thing it was, very cryptic. Only reason I didn't barbeque it really, it was funny. Until he said something... now what was it? Hmm, not important. He made me really upset, so I started shouting. Well, I wasn't going to stand for it. I went outside again, and started flying around. I remembered that little village down by the lake, and I thought to myself, well Smaug, you haven't been there for a while, lets go have a look, shall we?  
  
So there I was, flying low to see what was happening, when I burp! Not my fault! It was the ponies! And I accidentally breathed fire. Next thing I know, I'm being shot at! Well, I'm not standing for this! I'll have to stop writing while I deal with this misunderstanding. Ill ask that nice young man down there to hold my diary for me. The one with the bird near his head... 


	6. Bill the Pony

Bill the Pony  
  
Well this is the thank I get. I carry all their equipment into the wilderness, up a freezing cold mountain in a blizzard, all the way back down again in the snow, and then next to that lake and they leave me out here? Where's the justice in that? They leave me out here with that, thing. I was a good pony, carrying their stuff. Didn't complain once, even when they put Frodo on me. I thought they liked me, saving me from that old man in Bree. But noooo, they're just as bad as he was, leaving me out here. I'm hurt you know, deeply. And now all I have to do, is escape this monster, and go somewhere safe. Well, that place they took me to, with all the tall people and the singing, that was nice. I think I'll go there. Oh dear, this thing has way too many legs..... 


End file.
